oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
