youre lurking in front of me
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Randomize
