I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
