cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
The power of my boobs compel you
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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