I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
