Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
That accounts for only three of the penises
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize