Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
