it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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