It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
