So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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