dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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