she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
