I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize
