His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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