Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Dignity is for republicans.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
