My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Randomize
