whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
