is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
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