Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
