May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
