She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
