East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
