I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
