God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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