i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
