found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
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