i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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