I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
