I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
birth control should be required to get into college
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Randomize
