I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
he told me I talked like a deaf person
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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