if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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