My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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