Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
