i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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