he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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