It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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