it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
