I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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