i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
