You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
