I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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