Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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