You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
