Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
