I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
