Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Operation Purity has been aborted
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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