the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
