Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
