I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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