So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
