I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
