what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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