false alarm. still invincible.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize