p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Randomize
