So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
