eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
So vagazzling was a success
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
