my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
