I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
