We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
