we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
