Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
