Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
