I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
