Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
