eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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